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The Diary of Doris White Hastings
1919-1926
We are fortunate to have as an available resource the diary of Doris
White Hastings, a student at Shiloh. She grew up on the hilltop during the years of Mr.
Sandford's incarceration, and was admitted to the Bible Class upon Mr. Sandford's release
from prison in the fall of 1918 when that group of students that would become known in
Kingdom annals as "The Forty" was first formed.
We have two introductions to the diary. The
first is from Arnold White, Doris's brother. A student at Shiloh, he had been away in
Europe fighting the "Huns" between 1917-1918. Years later, in his bookThe
Almighty and Us , he would write the following, which we now utilize as the first
introduction to this section. The second is from her son, Floyd Hastings, which
immediately follows Arnold's words.
Elsewhere on the website, a copy of
her letter to John Sandford is posted, and written about 11 years
after her last diary entry here.
"My sister Doris tells of hearing a sermon by Mr. Sandford, his text, "Strive to
enter into the Strait Gate," Luke 13:24. As was so often his wont he bore down upon
the hell and damnation fate of him who failed to comply. He was helped by some marginal
note or other interpretation of the King James version: "Strive as in an agony,"
it might be translated. A very sensitive and impressionable little girl, Doris found she
didn't know how to "strive as in an agony." Weeping in her distress, she sought
out Enid, nearly four years her senior. But Enid could not help her troubled sister. Doris
must carry the nagging burden of the fears of her awful fate since she did not know how to
"strive" properly to enter into the strait gate, "for many. . .will seek to
enter in, and shall not be able." I vividly remember two young women, still in their
teens, kneeling side by side in prayer against the flesh life either in themselves or an
associate, screaming their stepped-up rage and throwing every ounce of will power into
resisting of the evil, their tensions finding relief in rapid clapping of their extended
hands as they could sense evil spirits fleeing before their violent onslaught.
In her teens, Doris began having almost constant headaches which never let up even in
adult years. Specialists in later years were never been able to find a cause. At Shiloh no
amount of prayer could change it, and she must suffer there without benefit of aspirin or
any other aid to relief from pain. Many years later, by then the mother of three children,
she broke from the Shiloh regimen and found some relief in use of analgesics, not allowed
in the Kingdom.
In her adult years Doris had to work long hours to support her family, which she managed
in spite of pain. Medics offer tenseness as one cause of headaches. Could those early
years of fear and constant threat of divine disfavor have established nerve tensions which
would never let go?
Young people sensitive about their own position with the Almighty were constantly urged to
keep in a condition to sense the presence of God. "At times," Doris has told me,
"we thought we did, but more often than not we were under strain, wondering why God
was not 'real to our consciousness." Nobody knew what was the "unpardonable
sin." If God was not "real," could He have withdrawn His favor? "How
do I know I have not committed the unpardonable sin?" Many an over-conscientious soul
had suffered tortures of the damned over this possibility. (Matt. 12:32.) I can see that
lovely young woman, always in pain, always in fear, sitting on the steps leading off the
terrace toward Olivet--as she had told it--wishing she had "never been born."
Dear Reader:
This diary of my mother’s covers
the year 1919 and part of 1920. In 1919, Doris was 27 years old. She was living at Shiloh
and was a member of the last Bible School which was known as "The 40". At that
time, Mr. Sandford’s son, John, was the head of the school. Doris was considered the
"spiritual leader" of The 40.
As the diary begins, Doris’
parents, Wendell and Annie, are running the "Old Ladies Home", about a mile
distant from Shiloh. Brother Arnold, serving in the 317th Battalion, is still in France
despite the First World War having ended the previous November. Her sister Enid, now
married to Floyd Clark, is living at Shiloh. Sister Avis is also a member of The 40.
Doris, along with the rest of The 40,
is attending a convention at Elim, the Boston headquarters of the Kingdom. I can
only guess, from what she wrote, that a combination of mental, spiritual and physical
stress caused her to suddenly decide to take the train out to her Aunt Neve's in
Worcester. And doing so without the consent of Mr. Sandford. Since her ‘teens’ ,
Doris had been plagued by continuous headaches which, due to the beliefs of the movement
at that time, could not be relieved by any kind of pain killers.
My mother speaks often of Mr.
Hastings. As one of the ministers, he often counseled her and prayed with her. It appears
that she was often very troubled, not only by her headaches, sometimes very severe, but
also her feelings of inadequacy when it came to spiritual matters. The reader will notice
that she was a very sensitive and conscientious person.
Floyd E. Hastings
DORIS (WHITE) HASTINGS DIARY
Tuesday, March 25, 1919
Pressed beyond measure, most extreme suffering for a week or more, felt
as though I could not possibly go on. I made up my mind I would have to go and I wrote
Aunt Neve. An awful night, head paining fearfully. An awful step to take, seemed like
stepping into hell.
Wednesday, March 26
Mr. Sandford is in the room, arrived night before last. Fearful
suffering. I left while they were at dinner. I arrived in Worcester about 8 pm. Aunt Neve
& Uncle Ed were away until midnight. The landlady said she had no room for me. I went
to Aunt Neve's room to wait. Later I went to the attic. I felt the horrors of the
tribulation and no protection, no shepherd. Aunt Neve & Uncle Ed came up about 1
o'clock. Aunt Neve took me into bed with her. An awful night, worry and pain.
Thursday, March 27
A telephone call from Enid telling of Mr. Sandford's having her and
Avis in his room until after midnight, prayed for me, felt God said, "Bring". He
told Enid to tell me he wanted me to come back. Said he felt that I was not a quitter but
stolen by the devil, true to hearts core. He would have helped me if I had told him I was
pressed. In the afternoon Aunt Neve stayed home from work and took me to a specialist, Dr.
Hatrower. A special delivery letter from Enid came at night. I could not sleep much. I was
awfully worried for fear Mr. Sandford would feel I should come soon and I did not see how
I could as I had put myself under obligation to Aunt Neve before having any idea I could
or would go back and she not willing I should go until I had been treated and fitted to
glasses and visited her a while---having a change.
Friday, March 28
I sent letters to Enid and Mr. Sandford on that subject. I mailed a
letter to Mr. Hastings. and sent Avis chocolate. Went shopping. Letter from Papa at night.
Mailed a letter to him. Uncle Ed and Aunt Neve just as kind to me as they can be, give me
every possible attention. I am suffering spiritually but making the most of the
circumstances.
Saturday, March 29
Received a letter from Enid. Wrote a letter to her and a note to Mr.
Hastings and to Herbert (Jenkins). Aunt Neve and I went down town and bought ferris waist
and dishes and material for fudge. In the evening we went to a Chinese restaurant and had
chop suey, etc.
Sunday, March 30
I wrote to Arnold, Avis, Aunt Edith, Mama & Papa. Made fudge. I
went for a walk twice.
Monday, March 31
A letter from Avis. Mailed fudge to Papa & Mama. Went shopping.
Made fudge. In the evening Aunt Neve told me about her operation.
Tuesday, April 1, 1919
Received a letter from Enid with a letter enclosed from Herbert
(Jenkins), Mr. Hastings, Avis and Aunt Edith. In pm I bought an alarm clock , outing
flannel and hair pins. I met Uncle Ed and Aunt Neve at 6pm at the arcade and was
introduced to Mr. Charles Haskell. We went to a Chinese Restaurant. He came up to Aunt
Neve's room in the evening. He is a good Christian man. Aunt Neve said that he said he
never met a sweeter girl than I. When going to bed Uncle Ed gave me $2.00. I suffered much
during the day.
Wednesday, April 2
Washed my hair. Mailed fudge to Avis. Looked at hats. Paid down $1.00
and had a hat laid aside. I go Friday noon to get it. A nice sailor hat was given Aunt
Neve for me by a girl in the shop. Mailed letter to Papa and Mama. Aunt Neve gave me
$10.00 to go to the Doctor's tomorrow. Aunt Neve gave me a white apron and a fancy cap. I
bought some sweet bakers chocolate.
Thursday, April 3
Went to doctor's. He seems to think main trouble is with nerves. Entire
nervous system out of order would cause pain and strained feeling of eyes, etc. He says I
should have lots of self confidence, should go to the Doctor and get at root of the
trouble. Mailed letters to Aunt Edith and to Arnold. I went shopping for indelible ink,
dye soap, rubber heels, shoe strings and a towel. It is now 1 o'clock in the morning and I
have been in too deep distress to go to bed. I have written a long letter to Mr. Sandford.
Friday, April 4
I mailed a letter to Mr. Sandford and Avis. Received a letter from Aunt
Edith and mailed one to her. I bought the new hat. Also stockings, etc. Took a long walk.
I went with Uncle Ed to a Mechanic's Hall to a lecture by a man who traveled in France and
took pictures. He showed moving pictures of France, devastated France and all sorts of war
scenes, going over the top*, etc. Very interesting. Uncle Ed
bought a box of chocolates and treated me and gave the box to me after we came home. I
packed in some sweet chocolate and did it up to send to Enid.
*Referring to climbing out of the trenches. FEH
Saturday, April 5
I mailed a box of chocolate to Enid. Got French chocolate with whipped
cream for my breakfast. Aunt Neve went with me to Dr. Harrower's in the afternoon. Then to
Freeman's where Dr. Harrower talked with Aunt Neve and told her he did not know anything
about that girl but that he thought he had me sized up pretty well, that he had not been
in that business all his life for nothing. He said I ought to live a natural, normal life,
happy, not worrying, etc. She asked him if he had done all he could for me. He said, no,
but that it wasn't much use to doctor symptoms. He said my eyes were just a symptom and
that I should go to Dr. Baker and have a thorough going over, then come back to him. I
asked Mr. Freeman to lend me some glasses to read with, to try. He changed my glasses and
lent me others for a week or ten days to try. After supper we went to the Post Office but
the place Aunt Neve wanted was closed. Then they trotted all around with me trying to find
rubber things to put on bows behind my ears. Uncle Ed very tired. Nice long letter from
Avis at night. So glad to get it.
Sunday, April 6
Went for a long walk after breakfast. Aunt Neve & Uncle Ed bought
nut fudge and velvet kisses last night, and sweet chocolate for me this morning. I read a
fearful war story. Wrote and mailed a letter to Arnold. Aunt Neve spoke to me in my room
about my going ( back to) the Kingdom. I told her I did not believe I could go, etc. She
assured me they would be glad to keep me but wanted me to do just as I desired myself. I
told her I thought I had better go back---that I did not want to leave in the first place,
etc. I felt relieved after that and my heart was lighter. She asked me to promise her that
I would wear my glasses. I told her I did not think there was any question but what I
could wear them all right.
Monday, April 7
Had a sleepless night---mind running like a machine. Did not get up
until 11 am. Head pained fearfully all afternoon but I did some washing and ironing. Got a
letter from Aunt Edith and one from Enid. A thunder shower drove me into Aunt Neve's room.
Tuesday, April 8
Mailed a letter to Arnold on the afternoon mail and one to Avis this
evening. Wrote to Post asking when Arnold will be coming home.*
It's now 12 AM, have been in bed for some time, mind going like a wound up machine.
Compelled to rise and light up** and do something. It is now 1:30am. I have written a
letter to Mr. Sandford
*Brother Arnold is in the Army in France. FEH
** Light the lamp FEH
Wednesday, April 9 A letter came from Avis. I wrote her this
morning. Day of awful suffering, especially in evening and after going to bed. Wanted to
write to Mr. Sandford again but feared to send another to him. Aunt Neve awfully tired at
night. I spoke of how bad my head was and how it pained worse with new glasses on. She
asked again if I could not be treated at hospital if I went back to Elim. I told her no
and that I could not be treated anywhere as long as I was going back, would have been
different if I had been staying but now I was going back I did not want to do anything
they would not approve of. She said then there was no sense in my going to the doctor and
I said that was what I told her that I hated to have her go to the expense when I would
not take medicine anyway. She brought home a house dress and black skirt a lady gave her
for me.
Thursday, April 10
I arose at 10 feeling too bad to even take my bath. Went to the shop
for dinner for the first time. Tongue, 5 cents, potato, 5 cents, 2 slices bread and
butter, 5 cents, corn, 5 cents, cocoa, 5 cents, lemon pie, 10 cents, 35 cents. I
watched Aunt Neve's girls work*. One little Jewish girl told
Aunt Neve she thought I was very pretty.
A call from Mr. Gleason in the afternoon on his evangelistic trip through
Mass. I gave him 50 cents. He called again in the evening and talked a little with Uncle
Ed and Aunt Neve. He then went out to find a room for the night. My 50 cents paid for his
room. He called the next morning before leaving.
*Aunt Neve had no children. Doris must be referring to girls working
under Aunt Neve at her place of work. FEH
Friday, April 11
Wrote and mailed a letter to Aunt Edith tonight. Received letters from
Aunt Edith. Also letter from Avis with letter enclosed from Herbert (Jenkins) urging me to
come home. Went in pm and asked doctor about wearing glasses steady, told him my head
pained worse with them on than without them. He said he was glad something was going on
and told me to wear glasses steady for 3 weeks and then see him again.
Saturday, April 12
Received a letter in am from Mr. Sandford. I told Aunt Neve I had best
go home that day. She felt very bad and talked to me with tears in her eyes. She said she
should cry all day the next day. We went and got Uncle Ed and they went and bought me a
suit for $22.00. Aunt Neve hemmed it up. They came home (to Elim) with me, paying my fare
and gave me $5.00. When they were leaving, Mr. Sandford came out and talked with them. His
heart went out to them very much. He had me come back to his room where all Elim were
assembled having their supper together. He told them about my Aunt & Uncle and then
prayed a long and fine prayer for them and others followed, Miss Dart, etc. He invited
them to the convention. When I went in he introduced me and had people get up to give Avis
and me chairs. He talked at length about the difference between a quitter and one captured
by the devil as he felt was the case with me. He spoke of my integrity and love for him
and of my being a warrior and the leader of the Bible School and so it was natural that
Satan should charge on me while he was away and pick off the finest warrior. He said he
had as much regard for me as for any of the Coronet Company, etc. He said it took
patience, skill, love and tenderness and yet firmness to deal with such a case until they
came out of all the barbed wire entanglements, all the snares. He did not know as there
was any snare in this case. He said he was mighty glad to have me back. After the meeting
I asked him to forgive me and he said he did not feel that he had anylthing to forgive me
for. That he did not like to hear me say anything about being forgiven or being sorry. He
said if two wicked men got me by force and ruined my life, when I got back again would he
blame me?, etc.He said he would treat me tenderly, that I had done nothing wrong. And if I
had in this case, he had yet to sense it.
Sunday, April 13
Mr. Sandford had Bible school at 10:30 on the life of Saul--talked
about disobedience. He said he was awakened early that morning feeling a peculiar joy and
flow of oil but did not know what could be the meaning of it, unless it was my homecoming
or------. He had afternoon meeting.
Monday, April 14
Mr. Sandford began to have meetings with us from 6 to 7 a.m. seeking
outpouring of the Spirit. We stayed right there and had day of fasting and waiting on God
together. Mr. Sandford would not touch a glass of hot milk they brought him, even though
he was cold and faint because he wanted to go through it with us. He talked to us
serioulsy about "removing the coverning"---"each one of us" has been
commissioned to do it ourselves. We prayed out our hearts earnestly . Later he talked to
us about lives layed down, being God's man or God's woman, wanting nothing but just what
God wants, staying in meeting until He is through with us and on the line of fasting, not
to think we were doing a big thing if we fasted sometimes. He said we ought to fast and
wait on the Lord one day each week. He talked about being martyrs, said Miss Scott was a
life laid down and Mr. Hoad was also. He spoke of our going out of meetings and disturbing
them. He said the devil would make us think we had to when we we did not. He said he
stayed on his knees for hours. He prayed for us and then we waited on God in silence. I
went through a real process of soul and was enabled to chose and to believe. Later he said
he could feel us all over the room deliberately making the choice and laying our lives
down--surrendering and melting and he said over and over to himself, "Dear little
Bible School and Dear Shiloh". He said Shiloh were lives layed down and "dear
movement" In the 3 o'clock hour he talked about Jesus in that hour being our
consecration. He told me that whatever my weakness was that caused
me to do as I did it was all layed on Jesus and He was our strength and our
consecration---I did not need to fear ever failing again. Jesus our sin offering in 9
o'clock meeting would keep us until the next one and the same with 3 to 4. That evening,
Herbert's (Jenkins) friend received the Holy Spirit. He asked us if we all had. He said
the Holy Spirit would cause us to do right. He told the Bible School we needed to honor
Him and love Him and get acquainted with Him. He spoke of it being an awful thing to do
anything not in the Spirit. In the pm he had us read Song of Solomon and told us that
after that God said, "Go forth", to him for the Bible School. That we did not
need to fear because when He puts forth His sheep He goes before them.
Tusday, April 15
Mr. Sandford said he was watching us to see whether we went forth or
not. One way to go forth was to get there in our prayers, close in. He said we ought not
to pray one prayer when we did not get the thing we were after. He told of how he had
prayed for people as he was out walking. He spoke of our not being occupied with the
little things we were doing---the practical things were all right but we should be
removing the covering or going forth while we were doing them.
Wednesday, April 16
I have been suffering through the day but had a good time in the turret
during the 6 to 7 hour, praying with Esther Wiley and Lena Marstaller.
Thursday, April 17
Mr. Sandford is wearied by the prayers in the early meeting, lack of
oil, not annointed prayers. He told us we needed to have a loving interest in each other
and be just as much interested in the other person receiving as in ourselves. Not a time
for a prayer service for workers on the field, etc. Mrs. Sandford uneasy because he kept
meetings after 7. She thought we ought to be out taking our walks. He said we should want
nothing but just what God wants; not care anything about breakfast or anything.
After meeting he talked with me. I talked out freely to him about
feeling that I lost my Nazariteship in running to Enid's room because I liked to go. And
then I did just what I had critisized her for, talked about Lila (Hulse) to her. He made
me understand that it was wrong to do so---utter disgust for women's gab, etc. One point I
got off on, he said. Also that I got off in going to hospital without consulting him. I
told him I felt that really in my heart I feared he might not feel right about it---and he
took it right up and finished it for me and said I wanted to go whether God wanted me to
go or not---that I did not want to know what God wanted---that I preferred to go to
someone who did not see clearly, etc. He made me feel that that was an awful thing to do,
etc. And that was another place where I got off. Such an important question as going to
consult a doctor---that it should be taken up and prayed over. He said I missed the
meeting with the others at 9 and met a worldly element and I was weak anyway and that gave
the devil a chance to get in his work.
Another thing, I did not have proper appreciation for Mrs. Sandford. He said I needed her
maternal interest. He said I took more to him. He said it was natural for a girl to take
more to her father and a boy to a mother but that he, complete , was himself and she was
too. He said I liked his warrior aspect---said he had exactness which Mrs. Sandford did
not have and that I had exactness. He said my face looked as though I had been purified
through the suffering. Next thing, I turned to my relatives outside and then I went out
into the world. He said I could be mighty thankful I got back---just the mercy of God. He
prayed for me and then I prayed and I cried and I told him I could not 'believe' and he
prayed again and then I got through.
He gave me some breakfast. I asked him if he wanted me to go now but he
said I could do just as I desired. One thing he said was that I was apt to be narrow and
bound up and that he was somewhat that way but that Mrs. Sandford was not that way. So I
stayed and the Holy Spirit and Calvary were very real. In the pm Esther (Sandford) and I
prayed for Shiloh, etc. A letter came from Aunt Edith.
Friday, April 18
Mrs. Sandford led the early morning service. Mr. Sandford came into 9
o'clock meeting. He was all melted and broken. He read signiture of Emma's letter with
tears in his eyes. It read, "From one who chooses to be a martyr". He spoke so
tenderly of her, that he was so thankful for every bit of character that was showing up
anywhere. He cried as he prayed and felt as though he didn't have it in him to do do
anything to help anyone. He was all worn out and broken up. He talked to us about keeping
close to him and keeping close together, laying down our lives for each other---must not
let anything get in between, go to the person in love and get help if necessary but must
not get a root of bitterness---love our enemies. He said it was so awful to have a root of
bitterness toward martyrs. Ours were lives laid down and we could'nt afford to be unloving
and get separated.
He said the days are so awful. Not to talk about each other, no good
when we do that, shut our mouths and pray until our hearts are mellow and we believe for
the person, not go to them until we are loving towards them. Love covers a multitude of
sins. Cover up each other's faults, so awful to expose them when we talked about people
behind their backs. We were untrue to them and should confess it if we did. We shouldn't
smile to their faces and talk behind their backs---must keep together---we injure
ourselves when we talk---that gossip is so unutterably awful. He spoke of how he could
feel the awful hatred against him getting more and more awful, that he wouldn't be
surprised if he was in a cave before long, with all kinds of inconveniences. He said if we
wanted to be with him we would have to go into a cave. He said we ought to appreciate a
house to live in, be taken up with appreciating what we do have instead of with what we do
not have.
He cut himself lose from Shiloh so they would cut themselves lose from
all the half breed and each one have the reality of practicing the words, "Arise,
annoint him for this is he." His heart seemed to yearn over Shiloh and he prayed that
God would clean out all that was not loyal and true, etc. He spoke of what an awful thing
it was for people to lay their lives down and go around the globe and then be captured by
the world and gash themselves through with many sorrows and perhaps lose their souls--how
awful to leave their place unfilled and make gashes and leave on others the work that
belonged to them, etc. He seemed to be feeling the lack of those who ought to be helping
him and fighting the battles. He spoke of how they could stand an eternity in hell but not
stand a few years of suffering here for the Master. God's providences short, etc.
He spoke of how he and Mrs. Sandford and Herbert (Jenkins) prayed one
night for the Coronet--the six that were out. He spoke of how people went through the
suffering for years and then when near the time to be coroneted, give up and lose it all
and all their righteousness is forgotten. He seemed to feel the sad side and to suffer
over them as well as feeling the wrathful side. He spoke of what an awful thing it was to
say the least thing against a man of God---it was against God.
He told me Thursday am that he talked about Mr. Holland before us all,
making an example of him, but he would not tolerate for a second our talking about him. He
said if he went a bit too far in speaking of a person, even when he had to do it for their
good or for other people's good, he felt it and it injured him.
We had sunset meeting in his room. He asked me, as I was leaving, after
others had, how I was feeling and I said "real good". He said that was good and
asked if I had written Uncle Ed and Aunt Neve and I said, "yes", and he asked if
I was after their souls and I said, "yes", I was. I took in a litttle sauce dish
of chocolates and set it on the table with a note on them to Mr. & Mrs. Sandford. Mr.
Sandford spoke, one day, of our going through with him through the cave experience. He
told us, Friday morning, we needed to keep very close to him and to each other so as not
to be picked off.
Saturday, April 19
A letter from home with one from Arnold enclosed. I shall mail one to Arnold today.
Sunday, April 20
Went to Mr. Sandford's room at 9 am. In the pm we started to pray and
he noticing we were tired, dismissed us and told us we had better go to bed and rest until
the next service. In the chapel in pm Mr. Sandford talked about God using small
things---rams horn, but it was in the hands of a prophet, etc. and finally Mary had had 7
devils in her yet she was the one who tells the story of Jesus' resurrection that has
meant so much to the globe. He said we must not despise ourselves and think we cannot do
anything. We knelt and sang, "I'll go where You want me to go", then we told
Jesus we would run and tell the story and tell our experiences. I told Jesus I appreciated
what he had done for us and it made me feel as though I wanted to do something for Him.
In the evening Mr. Sandford told how he was feeling pressure of
Satan---felt as though his ribs were being crushed in---that he had no protection or
ministry---had to fight through himself. We stayed there until 2 am. A delightful
atmosphere after he and others had fought through. He felt that the devil was trying to
freeze everything up about the convention. I was suffering very much from fasting---my
head very bad but God was there. Mr. S said we needed to wait on God a great deal. We were
sitting there---he was talking about different things, especially about fixing up that
room. He kept speaking of how nice it was there, and he spoke as though that was when we
got God, when we stuck together a long time---that we were getting more God there than in
many of your morning meetings seeking the outpouring of the Spirit. He spoke of how he
would like to have Shiloh have the benefit of that atmosphere--- all the hungry ones. He
spoke tenderly of them.
Monday, April 21
Etta (Carpenter) and I prayed together and
then we went and got our dress suit cases and changed. The Lord helped us. We prayed for
his* soul and that God would make him treat us right and do
the right thing for his own soul's sake. I said to Etta, "Greater is He that is in us
than he that is in the world." Those words came to me.
I mailed a letter to Aunt Edith and one to Papa. A good day---felt the
blessing of the night's meeting through the day. Suffering at night but found Jesus very
real in the 6 o'clock hour. Went out with Etta in the evening.
*I do not know who she is referring to. FEH
Tuesday, April 22
Suffered very much as I spent 6 to 7 alone. At 9 we (the Bible School)
went to Mr. Sandford's room and spent all day until 7 p.m. on life of David. He was full
of pleasantry---read to us out of an old diary of his.
He sent Miss Dart out to get some nice note books as a present from him to the Bible
School to write out just the life of David. I had a day of extreme suffering physically
and spiritually too. Herbert (Jenkins) and Miss Langhans prayed for me in the evening and
I felt felt better.
Wednesday, April 23
I mailed a letter to Aunt Neve. Mr. Sandford prayed a lot in the
morning meeting. He prayed that we would get what we came for---prayed that we would be
melted together, filled with love, all selfishness to get out. Not wishing we didn't have
to work, not doing things from duty. By love to serve one another---no individual looking
after ourselves---melted together like lead. No doing things because we have to,
everything in the Spirit and spontaneous. Taking the gospel to people because we love
them. He prayed for those who were not there, out working and up late and did not think it
best to get up early, etc.. He told us we must make sure we got the goods. There came a
time when we must take the goods and store them away. He prayed for the very pores of our
beings to be soaked in God. I am spending the day waiting on God.
(Nothing is written from April 23 until May 5. There is no
explanation. Doris does not disclose where the Bible School is as she begins writing in
May. It appears that they are back at Elim.) FEH
May 5
Mr. Sandford came down to the chapel at the close of the 8 to 9 meeting
and discussed the subject of the Bible School going to Shiloh. We prayed for light. He had
had a day of fearful pressure. He applied the blood and it changed and he was blessed by
being with us. We stayed until towards 3 a.m. and had a good time. He said for the Bible
School to keep separate at Shiloh, to clear out Shiloh Proper and live there and have our
meals separate. John and Theodora to go ahead. He said to go on the platform every meeting
for about a week if Mr. Holland wants us to and talk a -long time. Some to talk in one
meeting and others to talk in the next meeting. He said it would do Shiloh good just to
look at us and see us smile, etc. He called us kittens. Told us to magnify Jesus, talk as
big as we could about Him--be victorious.
He spoke of how good we would look to the people down there all tired
and bedeviled. He spoke of not feeling right about a woman who had come from Shiloh to go
evangelizing---said her face did not look right---that she was not free herself---needed
help herself, not in condition to go out and help others. He spoke of how he had felt as
though the devil had a grip on him all day and Shiloh was like that only much worse. He
said that the woman wasn't to blame and he was not to blame. He sang for the Bible school,
"Bless them Lord and make them a blessing, and keep them snow white, I pray." At
9 a.m. Mr. Harriman had the 9'oclock service and talked about a message God had given him
for the Bible School--"Arm yourselves".
May 6
At 3 p.m. Mr. Sandford met with us in the chapel and prayed for us. He
prayed that we would keep together---not let anything in between, no grudges or anything
like that, so awful for two saints. He prayed that we would not go ranting around here and
there but keep separate.
Mrs. S. was sick, very bad cold on lungs and could not speak outloud.
Mr. Sandford prayed for her, then he and Esther prayed. Miss Dart and again Mr. Jewell,
and in the evening the Coronet Company prayed and she seemed worse when they got through
praying. But the next morning she was all right. Mr. Sandford prayed that we would have a
dogged faith and stick to things. He showed us a five dollar gold piece. He said he was
going to give each one of the Coronet Company---those who went around the world with
him---a five dollar gold piece to every one of them, right or wrong---no difference where
they were or what they were like. He spoke of how he liked to look at gold. He said the
processes God put us through were burning out the dross and leaving just the pure gold. He
talked a good deal about suffering and what it did for us. It is the crucible.
We went on the boat* in the evening. Grace
(Brown) and I were together in one stateroom. I was seasick and vomited and then I was
better. We knelt in our stateroom and prayed. We told God that if He was never wanted in
that stateroom before He was that night and we prayed for people on the boat and for seven
states. It was the 6 to 7 hour. Grace was seasick all night. * The
Coronet
May 7
Grace and I came up from Portland on the train with Benjamin (Holland).
I spoke to John about Grace not eathing anything. He gave me 25 cents and we got her soda
crackers, grape fruit, wafers and pickles. We went for a walk while waiting for the train
and sat down on some stones up in a field and talked. We had to wait at the Lisbon Falls
station. Mr. Fuller came and landed us at Mrs. Brown's*. Mama
and Enid came to see me. When it stopped raining I went to see Marion**
and then to Shiloh. Hope (Kelsey)*** is very sick.
The Bible school met in Ebenezer until 12. How John fought for her
(Hope) and for the Bible School and the others took right hold---prayers that got there. I
went to the turret at 12. I asked to take Miss Kierstead's place and was left over until
4.
* Grace's mother, Annie.
** Enid's daughter, born 1918.
***Later married Stephen Anderson
May 8
Meeting in Ebenezer through the forenoon. Honored the blood of Jesus
for perfect cleansing. Some did not enter in which made trouble but they finally swung
into line and we went to chapel and talked. People sat with tears in their eyes and
expressed their appreciation for the Bible school and to have us with them.
May 9
I talked in the chapel at nine. I found God in the 6 to 7 hour in
Ebenezer.In the p.m. I took up the subject of our going home on the sabbath. Lila (Hulse)
did not feel that we should. John (Sandford) had felt that God wanted us to and expressed
himself that way. He dropped it after Lila spoke. A time of suffering that night and the
next day. We met in Ebenezer at sunset and felt the sabbath very real.
May 10
I was very much burdened over Shiloh and went with Anna (Marstaller) to
the turret until 12. I got my heart through as I magnified Jesus and put faith in the Lamb
of God. The Bible School spent the evening in Ebenezer singing some around the organ .
May 11
I went to the turret from 6 to 8 a.m. Had a good time. We met at 9 in
Ebenezer. We went to the temple at 10:30. Miss Page spoke to the Bible School. I spoke in
the chapel in the p.m. on the life of David. Then we went to Ebenezer and had a prayer
service. At the last we heard there was no supper for people. It was quite late but we
prayed and God gave us faith and later the supper came. We did the same on Friday p.m. and
supper came.
May 12
We went to the Bowie house at 9 and worshiped God and dedicated the
house. I waited on the Lord. My head so bad I laid down and slept some. Found Jesus very
real at 3.
May 13 (Doris' birthday, 27 years old, but she does not mention it.) FEH
John came to my room after 10 and said that he
felt that Avis and I were to go home that afternoon, which we did. Papa and Mama were glad
to see us. They were in the process of moving. Mr. Whittaker was over. I handed Papa a
plate of beans to give to him. He appreciated it much. We had a nice supper together. Mr.
& Mrs. Wolf came. I washed dishes while Papa and Mama moved. Avis and I washed our
hair.
(An unexplained break between May 13 and May 20.)FEH
Tuesday, May 20
I mailed a letter to Arnold in the evening. Also one to Merlyn (Bartlett). Worked in the kitchen all week.
Wednesday, May 21
I went in the evening to see Mr. Hastings. I was nearly crushed
beneath the load of Shiloh's sufferings *and apparently not getting good out of them, and
my own need. I came home happy. I went down** to see Mr. Tupper that evening about
10:30. I found he was in bed. I told him I came to make him a little birthday call. He
thought it was pretty late. I told him I did not even know what time it was, that we did
not keep any track of time up here. He told me to come again. The girls are getting Esther
(Sandord) ready.
*I believe she is referring to the lack of food. FEH
** The Tuppers were living at the 'camps' , located some distance behind the
'Temple".
Thursday, May 22
Esther comes in between 6 and 7 and bids us goodbye. She goes and joins
her father. Shiloh goes without all day again. We meet in Ebenezer and later we go to the
armory and read about the Lamb of God. We wait on the Lord silently for an hour or so then
go over to the chapel and speak at 3 p.m. We sing several songs. After meeting we go and
read notes to Mr. Fuller who has a bad headache. I go down that evening and see Enid.
Friday, May 23
I do not get satisfied in the 6 o'clock hour. I get some good in the
prayers. I work in kitchen, cleaning in forenoon. Go to Mrs. Wakeman's with Enid's note in
the a.m.. I suffer torture through the 3 o'clock hour. It hurt so to hear them pray I
could hardly endure through the hour. I lie down after that, faint, weak and head SO BAD.
Louisa (Marstaller) thinks my lack of response in the 3
o'clock meeting which she led was some fault with the meeting or because I thought so. But
I explained to her. In sunset meeting Theodora (Sandford)
passes around a box of chocolates belonging to her. Received a birthday card and letter
from Herbert (Jenkins).
Saturday, May 24
I feel so bad in a.m. Too bad to arise at 7 and go and bid Enid good
bye.* Feeling too bad physically to seek God. Tried but did
not feel even any desire for God. Wrote a letter to Herbert (Jenkins). Papa went to
Brunswick with Enid. He came here to our room on the way back. Mama came over with
clipping telling of 311th Field Service Bn.** having started
home last Sunday. I started letter to Enid. Day of great suffering for me. Had nice soup
for supper provided by John and Theodora. Bread supplied by Emma (Marstaller). Corn from
Emma's mother. The morning's bread supplied by John & Mrs. Fraser. I went over and
talked with Mr. Hastings in the evening and was all changed over. I found Lucille (Holden)
was suffering in the evening and I talked with her some.
* Enid leaves Shiloh via train from Brunswick. She & Floyd
(Clark) had found an apartment in Quincy, Massachusetts. They have left the movement.
**Brother Arnold's Army outfit is leaving France. FEH
Sunday, May 25
Theodora showed me the work list to notice change in it. My name had
been taken off. I found the Holy Spirit real in the morning. The Bible School have meeting
from 9 until 3, talking things out and praying and then to the chapel at 3 and talk on
harvesting. I had meeting with the teachers from 5 to 6. Mailed a letter to Herbert in the
p.m. Wrote a note to Miss Dart and Esther. Wrote to Aunt Edith.
Monday, May 26
We met in Ebenezer, had no leader, kept hour silently. Not conscious of
much. My head very bad. After 12 I went over to Mama's to have clothes fixed. I was
suffering desperately in the evening. Went over to Mr. Hastings' and talked with him a
long time and was all changed over again. Mailed a letter to Arnold and one to Aunt Neve.
Tuesday, May 27
Went to Old Ladie's Home and talked and read notes to them in the 9
0'clock hour.* Mama fixing my clothes. Wrote a letter to Aunt
Neve. Suffered much over Enid in p.m.** I talked with John. A
letter came from Mr. Holland about "stuck in the mud" and he is taking hold of
our battles. He is going to pay June 1st bills. He sent $100.00.
* Wendell & Annie White are now living and working at
the"Old Ladies's Home". FEH
**Because Enid had left Shiloh and the movement. FEH
Wednesday, May 28
Went to the turret from 6 to 8. Received a letter from Herbert. The
Bible School went to the 40 acre lot in the p.m. and ate dinner there. Received a letter
from Merlyn. Sat up until 12 writing a letter to her. Put on summer underwear in a.m.
Thursday, May 29
The Bible School went to the chapel from 9 to 12. John took up about
David in the p.m. My head hurt so dreadfully. I wrote John a note and he said I did not
have to stay so I went and lay down. At 7 Miss Scott had the turret meeting with Lila's
and my company. Her subject, "keep yourselves in the love of God". Bible School
in Ebenezer in the evening. John told camp stories* Elsie (McArthur) and I stayed down with Grace (Brown).
* Stories from John's time spent in the U.S.Army. (WW 1) FEH
Friday, May 30
I took the day to wait on the Lord. The Bible School went to Jerusalem
Park at 10:30 and had a praise meeting. They ate dinner down there. I go to the turret
from 4 to 6. I find dinner in my room when I come down. Theodora sent it up and says I
must eat some before I go home. John said Avis and I could go home.
Saturday, May 31
Out home all day. I took a trip to Mrs. Hastings and back. I came home
in the evening---found Bible school together praying for the convention. Received a letter
from Esther. Wrote a note to Myrtle (McKay).
Sunday, June 1
I took the High School meeting at nine. Mr. (Frank)
McKenzie had the 10:30 sermon in the temple. He took up a sermon of Mr. Sandford's about
the Kingdom and Elijah. Bible School in Ebenezer in the p.m. on life of David. Sought God
for individual life with God etc., etc., as David had---self regulating. God met us. In
evening Ruth (Brown) came to see me. She was suffering. In
the evening Theodora had the girls together seeking God about work. She was not willing to
go on until we got through to God. I mailed a letter to Enid.
Monday, June 2 (Nothing written) FEH
Tuesday, June 3
Received a letter from Arnold in France. A very hot day, hottest we've
had since ? Lucille (Holden) had the 3 o'clock meeting down under the maples, talked on
waiting. My head was terrific from the heat and from sweeping our rooms. Girls are eager
to know if Arnold is on this side yet. They let 3 or 4 days go by after August
(Marstaller) landed before they let us know so we will not let them know anything. They
think sure he had landed and we won't tell them. Helped Hope in the evening, gave her my
wide rimmed hat. Got to bed about 12 a.m. Had a furious head ache all afternoon and
evening. Stayed with Grace in the evening and then went out with Hope in spite of my head
being so bad. So glad to suffer and suffer intensely for the sake of helping a soul.
Wednesday, June 4
Got up about 7 and went to the turret at 8. Mr. & Mrs. Holland gave
an account of their trip through 7 states, in the chapel at 9. Emma (Marstaller) had the
3'0clock meeting in Jerusalem Park. When we came back we met John coming down with bread
and blueberry sauce and he said, "To the rear, march!" We had dinner in the park
and some folks played croquet. In the 6 o'clock hour I talked with Theodora and she went
and spoke to John about it. He said some things that made me suffer very much. I asked him
later if I could see him and he later gave me a note asking to be excused as he was not in
the mood but I wrote him a note and he saw me. I was much relieved but still suffering. I
wrote him a note and gave it to Theodora the next morning.
Thursday, June 5
Chapel from 9 to 12. People from the convention spoke. John speaks a
few words to us in Ebenezer at 1 o'clock and sends us back to the chapel. Had afternoon of
great suffering---troubles in the Bible School.
Friday, June 6
Great suffering continues. Went to chapel at 9. Charles (Marstaller)
had the 8 o'clock meeting after John had the sunset meeting about dropping everything and
seeking God and feeling the sabbath.
Saturday, June 7
A telegram from Arnold. He arrived in New York harbor the 5th. Got off
the ship the 6th. Had left France May 23.
Sunday, June 8
Mama came over. Papa is still sick, very sore throat. Wrote a letter to
Mr. S. Received a letter from Mr. S to Emma & the Bible School about winning out,
etc., and Hill of Hachilah.* Mr. Hoad started in with the hour meetings. John tells me at
the table that he supposes all my problems will now be solved because my brother is coming
home. I lay down at 5:30 with head being very, very bad. I laid there right through the 6
o'clock hour.
Lila (Hulse) came in after 7 and wanted to know if I wanted to go out
to walk with her.
I went and she spoke of how she acted when I asked her to pray with me the other day and
told how she was nearly crazy, etc. I told her I knew how that was and did not mind. She
spoke of how she had been having such a battle to love me, that she felt irritated, and
some other stronger word at me. It seemed as though she could not love me or something
like that. She spit right out. Said she felt herself getting bitter towards me, that she
did not want to see me or have me around at all. She spoke of that time after that Bible
School meeting when I spoke to her about our talking together and getting our hearts
together and then I did do it. (I said later that I did not seem to feel like it---
thought perhaps it would be better to not talk it over but just let the Lord work it out
and we give our attention to the harvesting. I do not remember of her saying anything
except that she had felt some things about me. She expressed no desire to do so that I can
remember nor did she that day, so I did not know whether she especially wanted to or not.
I told her, one day around that time, that I would like to go to the turret with her
sometime. She did not say a word and I felt rather chilled and thought that probably she
did not want to.)
She said she thought that something had come up so that I had changed
my mind about talking with her. ( The way I did feel was that though I wanted to talk my
heart right out to her and be absolutely frank as to how I felt about myself and about
her, I did not feel safe to do so.
I felt that the more I talked out things to her the deeper and worse the whole mess got
until there was no end to it. Also while she would be all nice at one time she was the
opposite to that at other times. I did not feel like letting out the sacred suffering of
my soul to an enemy, and I did not feel equal to going into it all with her not knowing
how she would take it, etc.)
I told her that as I thought of it, it seemed better to not attempt
such a task but just let the Lord work it out but I had been thinking of it ever since and
thought since she had said she had felt something about me that perhaps she wanted to talk
it out to me and I had thought of giving her a chance, that I would be glad to have her if
she felt like it. She seemed to blame me because I had not had that talk with her, not
made any attempt to get our hearts together, not even prayed together. I did not even know
she wanted to. She said she was getting so she felt bitter so that if I should come she
did not know as she would do it, felt as though she didn't want to get our hearts
together, didn't want to have anything to do with me, did not want to see me, etc.
* "Hill of Hachilah" was the name, given by Mr. Sandford,
for Center's Point on Merrymeeting Bay in Bowdoinham, Maine. It was bought by the Kingdom
for $2,500 to be used as a "retreat". FEH
She said she did not like the way I held myself aloof from the others
and she felt as though I held myself in kind of a strained way and did not let out what
was inside. She said she felt as though that was the reason I did not get into the messes
she did. She practically said that she thought I was just as bad as she inside but that I
held onto myself and held it in. She said that if I was down in the kitchen with a lot of
others laughing and talking that I would show up and the bad that was held in and unseen
by keeping away from people would show up. I told her that I did work in the kitchen one
week. She said she knew I did and that she was not trying to get me to work, that she knew
it was too much for me to work in those places but that she felt that I held myself above
the rest of them and thought myself better and held in the badness instead of letting it
show up. She said she was not going to try to hold herself in but just let herself out as
she was.
She felt that I held myself in and so appeared to be good while she
showed up bad. The thought was that I was just as bad but I held it in and appeared
different from what I was. She felt that I lacked humility. She said I would probably
think it was a dreadful thing for her so say that to me when she needed humility herself.
She spoke of thinking the two things the girls felt about her was her superiority and
curiosity--said she knew curiosity ran her and she could not seem to help it.
She spoke of how she tried to find out from Elsie (MacArthur) about me
and about that note. She said if Elsie had only been frank with her and spoken to her
right then , then it would not have had to come up in the way it did with John. She wished
the girls would be frank with her. I told her that I had done that but she did not like it
and did not take it so I thought it best to keep still. She recognized that but--------.
She spoke of how she acted after Mr. Sandford went away from Shiloh. She knew she got it
wrong about her folks and was awfully pressed. She said she felt that I was not what I was
when Mr. Sandford was here, just as she was not. She said that some of the other girls
felt that something needed to be worked out in my life and that it probably would be
through that experience.
She felt that I rose too high, that I should have kept down low. She
did not like it because I did not break down. I told her I did my breaking down in Mr.
Sandford's room. I said that I did feel like not praying or testifying but just keeping
still, but that Mr. Sandford had told me to keep right on as if nothing had happened. She
told me she did not mean for me not to testify and not pray, that would not be right. She
said that she felt that I was not mellow, that my family were that way but she thought
that through that experience I would become mellow. She did not seem to like it that I was
like myself again. She seemed to want me to keep way down, a very humble seat etc., and
she did not feel that I did that but that I came right up and filled my old place again,
rose up high, or something like that.
She did not seem to like it because I paid no attention to her and was
not all nice with her. She spoke of how we had not been able to have unity before we went
to Boston and that things came up as they did there in Boston but she did think that when
I came back I would be all different or something like that, and that we could get our
hearts together. She spoke of how she had missed me and how glad she was to have me come
back.
She said it was like losing a sister. She said she thought Mr. Sandford
must feel that she was lonely and suffering for he had her come up to his room and stay a
good while one day. She told me nothing of any conversation with him about me and I did
not ask her. She said perhaps there was more that went on inside of me than she knew
anything about and that if she did know she might feel different. However, I did not feel
to lay my heart open before her.
She said she felt that I delighted in having her down, that I just
liked to have her down etc. I told her that if everything else she had said was right I
would have to object to that for I did not feel that way. She wanted me to talk out my
feeling about her. I told her I did not have anything to say---did not feel that I could
force myself to say anything. She kept at me trying to get me to say she believed I could
help her if I only would. I told her I felt like seeking God about what she had said to
me, that I did not feel in a position to say anything to her or something like that. I
told her I appreciated her talking out what she felt about me and that I should take it to
heart and seek God to make me see what I needed to see and to change me where I needed to
be changed.
As she kept at me about talking to her I told her we would have to let
the Holy Spirit work it out and that if I had anything to say to her later I would say it
but I did not have anything at present. She said there might not be a thing in what she
had said and she feared I would take it to heart too much. She told of how she had been
fasting and stayed up all night one night until she was nearly crazy, that she was
desperate enough so that she even thought of throwing herself in the river, said it would
have meant nothing to her to do it. She spoke of how needy she was, etc.
She asked me if I was the one that wrote, "Doris White no
good" down on the work list. A point blank question which I could not see that she
had any right to ask. I said that I wasn't saying who wrote it there. She went on talking
as if I was the one and said she was very much surprised at me saying such a thing as
that--giving in to the devil that way. (She did not seem to know enough about me so she
questioned me.) Believing the devil's lies---the idea of my thinking I was no good. She
said that was the other side of it. I told her I did not say that I wrote it there. She
said it looked like my writing. She seemed to quiet all down and try to smooth the whole
thing over and be all nice. I had taken it all very quietly and openly and humbly. She
longed to have our hearts together again and evidently wanted me to feel all nice with
her, etc.
I used to be very kind to her and used to even stand up for her when
others were bringing things against her. I would tell her that Mr. Sandford had helped her
and she was different and they could not look at her just as she used to be etc. I said
she had a lot in her, etc. Lila said I was untouchable. She did not feel that I should
have criticized her praying as she thought I did do when I spoke that night of her
appearing as if she had been here 70 years. I told her I was not speaking of her praying
at all. She said she asked the Holy Spirit to help her pray and she prayed when she did
not feel as though she had anything in her to pray. She thought it a pretty delicate thing
for me to be criticizing her prayer. She said if I was down in the kitchen with 5 or 6
girls that she didn't believe I would appear so saintly. I went to bed about 12 but could
not sleep for a long time. My head paining badly. (One queer thing happened this
night or close to it. Dorothy Clement was over and I talked a little with her. She told
Avis about it afterward and spoke of how I talked with her but Lila would not speak to
her.)
* Sister to Lincoln Clement. FEH
Monday, June 9
Got up at 5:30, quiet hour from 6 - 7. Wrote in diary some during the
hour. Hung out clothes. Chapel at 9. Mrs. Gleason went to Boston. Bible Class at 10:00.
Mr. Hoad *spoke about Jesus, our foundation, etc. I saw John at 11:45 in "Cave of
Adullum". ** Elsie is in trouble. I write note to John. Greatly relieved through
talking with John. Wrote and mailed note to Esther in evening. Ruth (Brown) hunts me up
and we talk and pray together for the Bible School. She feels as though she cannot go to
bed. I feel the same way and so does Elsie. Elsie and I see John later and are greatly
blessed. I ask him about writing his father and he does not think there is any need of it.
He tells us to meet in the Cave of Adullum tomorrow at 11:30. I mailed a letter to Merlyn
(Bartlett) also aunt Neve and papers to Mr. S.
*Rev. Hoad was one of the Bible School teachers. FEH
Tuesday, June 10
Arose at 5:30. Found the Holy Spirit in quiet hour. Mr. Whittaker spoke in
the 9 o'clock hour. He told us about that house in the forests, etc. Bible lesson at
10:15. "Let Christ dwell in our hearts." At 11:30 our meeting in Cave of
Adullum. Very satisfactory. Elsie brought through. We were there for 2 hours. I saw John
alone a few minutes. When leaving he said, "I think a lot of you, Miss White."
He said if Dora (Theodora) and he had a home they would want me to live with them as a
sister or something like that. It did me lots of good. My head was SO bad that pm that to
pray or seek God in the 6-7 hour was impossible. I lay down and slept some and at 7 went
over and talked with Mr. Hastings. Elsie told me Lila had been trying to get out of her if
she had anything against her and she finally told her she did not have any wonderful unity
with her. I spoke to Theodora in the am about taking care of the bath room and also upper
one. I went to work cleaning it. Got a letter from Enid.
Wednesday, June 11
Arose about 7. Went to the turret at 8. Feeling too condemned to go but went
and met the Lord. I took the day to wait on the Lord but my head was so bad that I just
could not get anything so lay down, also very much troubled, still, over talking. I wrote
John a note. He saw me later and helped me so I felt different. August (Marstaller) came
and ate dinner with the Bible School. I went down and shook hands with him. I went to
turret from 8 to 10 and cried out my heart to God for the Bible School, for myself and for
Lila. I felt relieved. I believed Him to handle it all. My heart was filled with faith as
I honored Him and with love. I sang ,God is love, I know, I feel, Jesus lives and loves
through me. I did not eat at all after breakfast. Went to bed without but could not sleep
for some time and I felt the effects of fasting all the next day.
**I have been unable to find out about the "Cave of
Adullum". It may have been the camp that was located across Pinkham Brook beyond
Bethesda. FEH
Thursday, June 12
Went to the turret from 7 to 8. Chapel 9 to 3. August talked a long time.
Frank McKenzie talked. Prayer service later. I suffered so with my head it seemed as
though I simply could not stay, but I did. I was suffering very much at night. I went for
a walk with Elsie and Etta took us for a ride around by the Old Ladies Home. I stopped out
at Mr. Hastings' and talked with him a long time and felt better.
Friday, June 13
Chapel at 9. Received letters from Herbert and Merlyn. Mailed a
letter to Arnold. Mr. Hoad had the Bible lesson at 10:15 about loving God with all our
hearts and being taken up with Him and not with earthly things, outward surroundings,
dress, etc. I am suffering greatly since. I am with Grace and she has been comforting me
some. Mr.& Mrs.(Joseph) Harriman came this morning. Mr. Harriman said that Arnold was
at Elim Wednesday night on a 24 hour leave. Avis went home. John had the sunset meeting
with us, stayed there looking at Beulah pictures, etc., until nearly midnight. Elsie
suffering greatly, the dear girl.
Saturday, June 14
A letter from Arnold. A day of suffering. Went home in the p.m. I stopped to see Alice
(Shaw) on the way back. Bible School meeting in Ebenezer in the evening, praying for the
$3,000.* I gave John a note about Elsie. He saw her in the evening.
Sunday, June 15
Up at 6:45. Chapel at 9. Mrs. Harriman talked. At the temple, Mr. Harriman and Everett
(Knight) read Mr. Sandford's talk on saints. Ebenezer in the p.m. John led us in prayer
for $4,000.** Good living prayer service. John prayed his way through. Mr. Hoad had the
Bible lesson at 3 p.m. on 'gold'. I felt so cross at Mr. Hoad at first. I could hardly
keep from praying right out and ask the Lord to keep me sweet when we couldn't have any
air and ask Him to manage it so we could have some. The Lord helped me as I sought Him to
save me and give me humility and then Mr. Hoad told us we could open the windows. (He only
spoke of the door being closed). I went to Lisbon Falls with Hope after dinner. Sick in
the evening.
* Money toward paying off the mortgages on the Boston properties.
** More money for mortgages. These mortgages had been on the545 & 547 Massachusetts
Ave., houses prior to purchase by the Kingdom. FEH
Monday, June 16
A letter from Arnold. Chapel at 9. Mr. Hoad talked some more on gold in the
Bible lesson. I saw John in the p.m.
Tuesday, June 17
No word from Arnold. Chapel at 9. Bible lesson about being the Bride,
following the Lamb whithersoever He went. I can't understand Lila and all her quirks. She
called me into her room this a.m. She called me to the window and said she wanted to show
me John and Theodora's eldest child. Looking out I saw a doll hanging by a string from
Lucille's
window down in front of their window. I laughed rather questioningly. She said she was
going to twit John for such ill care or something like that.
It seems as though I could not wait another day for Arnold. SO HARD to
wait. It grows harder every day. A letter from Mr. S. about the battle.* Later a telegram
telling us to have meetings until midnight. The Bible School went to chapel at 6. I was
suffering fearfully, could only stay a few minutes. I came out to find John and
talked with him a long time and was all changed over. He told me to go to bed.
*The Boston mortgages FEH
Wednesday, June 18
Bible lesson held in the turret. The 21st chapter of Revelation, New
Jerusalem. Went to chapel. After being there an hour or so I received a note from John
telling me to go out for a change and that I need not come back until 8 p.m. The Bible
School met at 8:15. Some wrote letters to Mr. Sandford (after we had expressed our
appreciation for $350
sent by Mr. S for a car load of potatoes.---expressing appreciation to him and telling
about what we had been having about Johnathon's armor bearer, "do all that is in
thine heart, I am with thee." ) We prayed together until midnight.* John prayed and
prayed and prayed very vigorously and earnestly. We went to the kitchen at 12 and had
supper. Some of us picked over strawberries after dinner while the others washed dishes.
John came out with his note book and asked who of us were going to be up later than 1 a.m.
Not being able to find out he said, "All right, I'll stay up and find out." We
surely thought that Arnold would be home today but no word from him. I could not get him
off my mind. It seemed as though I could not wait any longer.
*Bible School was praying and fasting ref. to Boston mortgages, 9am
to 12pm. FEH
Thursday, June 19
John eats no breakfast. I take Theodora's place ironing collars and send her
to eat her breakfast. Bread still in baking at 9. We hustle up stairs at 9. John has us in
Ebenezer. After lesson in turret we go to chapel. I got to feeling so anxious about
Arnold. I began to cry and then Miss McKennzie appeared with a letter from him. Oh, how
good it was to meet him at the Lisbon Falls station at 6:30 this pm. It seemed as though
6:30 would never come. I asked John if it was all right to go to the Falls to meet Arnold
and he said yes and that we better beat it home after. He asked if we had a team. We rode
to Lisbon Falls to meet him. The train pulled in just after we arrived. Avis was the first
to spy him. We hugged him well and Avis and I walked home with him. When going through the
woods between the hot house and the camps Van (Carpenter) and August (Marstaller) hove
into sight. The three saluted and continued marching toward each other. Then August said,
"Isn't this too stiff-a-gate?" And then he and Van started on the run. Soon the
three were entangled in each other's arms---one of Arnold's around Van, the other around
August while they both hugged him vigorously. Then with Arnold in the center and the other
two on each side, with arms around each other, they walked up to Shiloh and then into the
chapel. The three sat side by side. The chapel was decorated. John and others of the Bible
School sang, "Keep the home fires burning", "Home again" and then
later, "I am in His keeping". Arnold greeted the people and knelt and thanked
God for His protection and bringing him back safely, then we came out home. We walked with
him until the roads divided.
Papa met him at Wiley's. He had started to go across the field. So
Arnold whistled and Papa answered and soon they were in each other's arms. We ate dinner
in the kitchen. Arnold brought us some candy. Went to bed around midnight. Papa and Arnold
went to the carriage house and talked until daybreak. I wrote a note to John and
Theodora---went to sleep
after 2 am.
Friday, June 20
I went to meeting with the old ladies. After Papa talked I read notes to them
which they appreciated. Avis and Arnold went to Shiloh in the pm and got back late. A
letter came from Aunt Edith.
Saturday, June 21
A day of suffering. Went to see Mr. Hastings in the evening. So good to
have Arnold with us.
Sunday, June 22
Arnold spoke at length in the afternoon service. I called on Grace
(Brown). She is very poorly.
Monday, June 23
I went out in the forenoon and picked strawberries in the pasture. I
took the square tin box that Mrs. Clark * had brought in to us with candy in it and took
it in to her full of strawberries. In the pm went over to the Marstallers where the whole
Bible School had congregated, with the exception of Theodora who did not feel able to
walk. Soon we were called under the oak tree where ice cream and cake were served. Later
we peeled potatoes, washed dishes, looked at cards, listened to the Victrola and some
folks played croquet. The boys played ball and we watched. Later, dinner was served under
the oak tree. After eating, the second book of Ezra was read by Benjamin(Holland). After
dinner we were supposed to have singing. Lucille(Holden) and Esther(Wiley) went off to
walk. John looked for them twice and then started off into the field and soon they
appeared. Meanwhile August stood at the organ and sang and later invited all who couldn't
sing to join in. In the evening the boys played their instruments very well. Ice cream and
sugar cookies were served, then home again. About 10:30 I stayed up until 2 am writing a
note to John to relieve my mind. I was troubled over my feelings toward Lila. Elsie
expressed her love for me in a way that did me much good. She was so glad to see me and I
was so glad to see her, dear girl. I told her that she was a bright spot to me.
* Floyd Clark's mother FEH
Tuesday, June 24 Our family went over to the Marstallers at noon.
Mr.(William)Marstaller came in and sat down with us in the sitting room. We looked at post
cards and talked. We were soon called out under the oaks and ate dinner. While eating, Van
and Etta and May(Carpenter) arrived. We had potatoes, potato salad, canned corn, beans,
rhubarb sauce, biscuits, corn bread and strawberry short cake. At 3 o'clock hour we
thanked God for protecting and bringing the boys home whole. The victrola
played. After 4 we played croquet. After a few interesting games, interesting because of
such poor playing, we paired up and played partners. August & Ruth, Arnold & I,
Isaac and Rodney, (Gleason)--three families. There was considerable discussion about what
the rules were and we thinking that Isaac and Rodney made up rules as they went along. I
called to Charles M. as he appeared on the veranda and told him we needed a police out
there! He refused to come and showed no interest whatever. I got through all the wickets
and came back and helped Arnold who was being knocked around some by others. Arnold hit
the post and I was within a mallets length of it. It was August's turn. Then Charles
became interested and called out to August to knock me way off the field and getting
excited. he started over. Meanwhile, August, trying to carry out Charles' directions,
knelt on the ground and held his ball with his hand and knocked it, making a miss-hit and
sending mine only a foot.
Now it was my turn! Ruth, Rodney, and Isaac, swung their mallets in
front of me and raised their voices on high while August called out three cheers, etc. I
tried to wait for them to stop swinging their mallets, but when I went to hit, they began
again. Finally I knocked and hit the post! I remarked that I would hold that against
Charles to my dying day---that he showed no interest when I called to him to come and then
when there was a chance to make it bad for me he was all excited and interested and began
to participate! Soon he came around the corner and told me he had heard that I had a
grudge against him and that I would not forgive him until my dying day----then he
suggested that I had better die soon!
Then I said that first he had tried to put me off the croquet field and
then he wanted me off the earth! I enjoyed it all very much---but I had a raging headache.
They asked us to come back again. The girls thanked us for coming and we thanked them. We
had ice cream and cake--two servings at 4. Very delicious! On the way home I met Lincoln
(Clement) and he turned around and took Avis and me back home and took Arnold home with
him to dinner.
Wednesday, June 25
Did my washing, frosted Arnold's cake, colored a skirt, etc. I met the
Lord in the barn during the 6 to 7 hour on a bunch of new mown hay. I picked some
strawberries at night. Gave Mrs. Clark some. Wrote a note to John at night, something like
this:
Dear "Mr. John":
Legally, our week is up Thursday night, June 26. BUT according to the
gospel it lasts over the sabbath or until Arnold goes to meeting Sunday morning???
We were over to Shiloh on Sunday and we wondered if we couldn't have
Friday to make that up and then the next day being the sabbath------?
Papa wasn't so terribly definite about just one week when he wrote your
father.
PS The mail carrier, being Mrs. Ferry, arriving at Shiloh on Thurs., June 26 and returning
about 4 pm on same date. Kindly answer by return mail. Any failure to do so will
necessitate our bidding farewell to our brother and returning to Shiloh Thurs. night at 11
pm. according to
the scheduled time and will bring upon the said, "Mr. John" the displeasure of
the said Doris White & Avis White, her sister. Farewell.
Signed,
Doris and Avis White
Thursday, June 26
I dressed during the 9 o'clock hour. Took my bible and went down the
path to spend the six hours under the apple tree. Found God real. I was VERY faint after 3
and my head was feeling very bad and felt restless, hard to keep still. I came in and ate
a little lunch and finding myself unable to wait on the Lord any longer. I went to the
barn but came in again before 4. I went out after strawberries after 4 and got 5 quarts.
Rec'd a note from John permitting us to stay until Sunday.
Friday, June 27
Arnold appeard after having been in Brunswich and Bath. He arrived late
last night. Arnold and Avis went to Shiloh and then to Lisbon Falls. I made 6 pounds of
chocolate fudge. I had to cook it so long I did not get done until after Sabbath. I had a
discussion with Arnold about Mr. Sandford. Papa speaks of telling somebody that one of his
reasons for coming to Shiloh was so that his children would get God, Etc., but that he was
much dissapointed, etc. I am suffering desperately tonight. It is nearing 12 but it seems
as though I could not go to bed.
Saturday, June 28
I went with Arnold as far as Mr. Hastings' and went in to see him.
Arnold called for me and we walked home together. Arnold told me he was going to skip the
coup. He said he could not possibly stay. He expressed his doubts about Mr. S., etc. I
talked with him but nothing would take.
Sunday, June 29
I reported on duty at 9 0'clock. Chapel from 9 to 10. I asked John to
excuse me from the temple service and I went over to see Mr. Hastings. I was suffering
desperately. He helped me. I spent the afternoon in the Bible School meeting. John gave us
a lesson on David then we went to the armory and had a prayer service, mainly for Grace
(Brown). I went to supper then to chapel at 9. About 10 I went to Ebenezer and told John
that I did not see how I could stay in the meeting any longer. He said I had better go to
bed, which I did, feeling very bad physically.
Monday, June 30
Chapel from 9 until 11. I suffered intensely spiritually and
physically. After 10 I wrote a note to John saying that I could not see how I could stay
in the meeting. He left me free to follow my own convictions. I went out at 10:45. Came
back to the Bible School at 1 o'clock. Had a good time praying for Grace. She is very
seriously ill. Her hands and feet cold, not able to take scarcely any nourishment, not
able to keep anything on her stocmach what liitle bit she did eat. We resisted the devil,
etc. She was better after that. She had been in a stupor but she was bright after that.
Bible school in chapel at 9.
I wrote a note to John and he sent for me. ( We had had a turret
meeting at 7.) I saw Miss Scott after seeing John and I was much relieved and so was she
to find out where the trouble lay. I went and told each of the girls, talked with Elsie,
cleaned up the trouble in the bath room and went to bed about 1:30. John had told me I had
better go to bed when I left him, but----.
Tuesday, July 1, Chapel at 9. We were called to Ebenezer to pray for
Grace. News was sent to us from Miss Page (at Elim) that the money is all in.* A praise
service at the 3 o'clock hour. John said that we could go home the next day. Elsie has a
sick headache and can't rest. She has to go on duty (in the turret) with Grace at
midnight. She hasn't slept any.
Ruth B. is suffering, didn't eat any supper. I am suffering over the
lack of desire for God. I want to see John but I don't want to bother him and it is
getting late. Later, John came down to the kitchen and Ruth and I together persuaded him
to eat something. His plans about going to Freeport fishing the next day were broken up.
He was disappointed, feeling rather blue. I went to my room late and tried to seek God but
could not. Then I wrote a note to John and got to bed about 2 a.m.
* To pay off mortgage on #545, Boston. FEH
Wednesday, July 2
I have been suffering very much. No God---can't get Him
and feel condemned and troubled. Feeling too bad spiritually to go home. John and Theodora
are in the office with some of the girls, planning a trip to the mill* and laughing a lot.
They called me in and John asked me if I could walk to the mill. He told me he did not
feel in the mood to take up spiritual matters. He said he was trying to believe it was the
millennium and that there was no devil, etc. He said afterwards that he felt like acting
like the devil so that the folks that wanted something to complain to his father about,
would have something.
After dinner we went to Holland's cottage** and played croquet. The
balls were all in use. Benjamin (Holland) brought forth a beet from the garden and we had
some fun over that beet rolling around over the lawn. John and others were on the other
side of the lawn playing partners. They played down there until about 10:30. I came back
up to Shiloh and went down again and gave Theodora a note for John. Later he sent for me
and Elsie (who was suffering greatly) and we talked and prayed and got help, until 1 a.m.
or later.
* The "old stone mill
"located at Runaround pond in West Durham. FEH
** Rev. C.E. Holland's home located close to Olivet ("The Children's Building".)
FEH
Thursday, July 3
Ebenezer at 9 a.m. John reads some Bible and we appreciate and
appropriate Calvary. Gospel very real. God real, then we testify. Then we go down where
old ice house used to be and read about the blood and talk out whatever we feel like that
we do not feel right about and pray. I speak to John that afternoon about Arnold and later
by John's advice, to August. I feel bad that evening and go to bed late again and cannot
sleep. Awakened later by green auto driving up. Mr. Holland and Miss Dart on board. Next
thing I know some of the girls come in my room about 4:30 and tell us that John and
Theodora and August are off. Nothing could be said about it beforehand so we had not
known. We had been expecting Mr. S and instead all we did have was taken from us. I cried
quite a while. It seemed more than I could bear. I wrote to them and mailed it that
afternoon. John was up all night. He was skinning the Billy goat for our 4th of July
dinner when the auto came. Elsie called me down to the veranda by Grace's room and Grace
commanded me to come down and I did. We laughed and talked.
I talked with Grace until on into the afternoon and did not go to
meeting at all. I had my hammock put up beside Grace's. Miss Dart came in to see Grace
that forenoon and she told me that Mr. Sandford spoke of sending for me but just did not,
that was all. He said I was a good little fighter. I suffered awfully over it. I felt the
words to be so untrue of me now and that that was probably why God did not let him send
for me, because I had come short and was in such a condition spiritually, etc. We had
supper under the pine tree on the lawn. Miss Dart with us and also Mr. Hoad**. Plenty of nice goat meat. Miss Dart told us that Mr. S. sent his
"love to the little Bible School" and that he spoke of us tenderly and often.
Also that he had an idea that we loved him. I helped wash the dishes. Louisa (Marstaller)
feeling very bad all day. Arnold was over and he and I went out to the packing room. He
had hardly a word to say, seemed awfully pressed. When I left him he thanked me for coming
to see him. I told him my heart felt kind of sad like. He said he knew it and he hated to
make me feel sad. Elsie and I tried to sleep in our hammocks. Feeling very bad physically
and driven in by the mosquitoes. Suffering greatly mentally and physically. I lay down in
Ebenezer the rest of the night.
*Mr. Sandford & others off for upstate
NY to help with converts. FEH
**Rev. Hoad was one of the Bible
School teachers. FEH
Saturday, July 5
I went over to see Mr. Hastings. He prayed with me and I was all
changed over. He prayed for Arnold and Enid and the whole family. I went home with Arnold
and then came back to the turret from 8:30 to near 11:00. Had a good time. A post card
came from John.
Sunday, July 6
Turret duty from 8 to 10 a.m. Prayed for the Bible School and had faith
for Coronet Standard. In the afternoon Miss Dart has Bible School. "His delight is in
the law of the Lord" was the subject. She told us that the kind of people Mr. S liked
were warriors and people who were uncompromising. The flesh goes down, down, down. The
only way to keep ourselves was to have uncompromising spirit, etc. She talked about the
thing that wasn't satisfied as though that showed we are off if we did not feel satisfied.
God was a good one to satisfy the heart. She talked about being coddled and coaxed and
helped all the time. The kind of people that were some good to Mr. Sandford and on the
harvest field were those that had lived the life at Shiloh. The people always running to
someone for help weren't much good on the field. She talked to us about being parasites,
sucking our life from someone else. And the poor person that we sucked our life from and
got so much help from had their life sapped from them.
Mr. Sandford wanted her to get three points to us. These were the
people he wanted around him. !. Absolute purity, not too free with opposite sex. Miss Dart
said we might not do anything wrong but just be too free. 2. Popularity with the school.
3. Absolute loyalty. Mr. S. didn't want anyone around him that had been talking about him.
Delight in the law of God, not upset by things that take place. Just go right straight
through with God, not flinch at the hard things, etc.----these are not her words but what
I got from what she said. She didn't like the thing that was afraid of being strained up.
She talked about our talking out all our blue feelings to people until we nearly swamped
them, etc.
Monday, July 7
Lesson at 10:30. Miss Dart had us each talk out what we got out of the
other lesson. Miss Clairess said she was so strained up and then she got condemned because
she was so strained up. Miss Dart talked quite a while about our being strained up. She
spoke as though we were not getting along right if we weren't strained up. But she spoke
as though when we got through to God the strain left. She talked about not being too quick
to get the wound healed.---a good thing for wounds to stay open sometimes. She spoke of
going and talking with someone else and getting oil poured into the wound---how the flesh
liked to do that. We read part of Psalm 119.
Tuesday, July 8
At 3 Miss Dart met with us in Ebenezer, intending to talk with us about
auto trip and evangelistic work. She began asking Esther O'Conner about going to bed. She
said they should not stay up to the midnight meeting. She wondered about those under 21
staying to them. Benjamin said that he thought there was a lot of unnecessary sitting up
nights.
She told us she felt as though people sat up and worked nights when there wasn't any need
of it. She said we could always find work to do. She said that she did not feel that
people like Agnes (Fraser) , Louisa (Marstaller) and Doris (White) should stay up later
than 10 unless we were having meetings or were with Mr. S. or some special reason. She
spoke of our sending word when we were not going down to our meals so that Anna
(Marstaller) would not have to chase around to see why people did not come.
Wednesday, July 9
Arnold left. I was too weak to get up. Did not go to Bible School. Miss
Dart came in to see me. They started on the unity subject.
(There are no entries after July 9 until July 25. Only a reference
to being sick. FEH
Friday, July 25 We received a long letter from Mr. Sandford about the 70
day battle.* The Bible School went to the turret and signed our names to paper up there
and wrote a letter to Mr. S---a letter of response to the battle and loyalty and
signed---"Yours forever".
* 70 days of prayer from 9 a.m. until midnight, with no break.
Dinner was served after midnight. This 70 day prayer "battle" was to pay off the
mortgage on the other house in Boston, 547 Mass. Ave. FEH
Saturday, July 26
I talk with Miss Dart. She spoke of singing when just to entertain was
not satisfactory. "Only Thee", the standard for everything. The Bible School
went to the turret at night and the green auto drove up and Mr. & Mrs. Sandford, John
and Theodora and Miss Milbury got out of it. We came down to Ebenezer. Mr. S brought us
fruit and left us $5.00 to get milk with. He talked to us about getting the word of God
into us and knowing it from cover to cover. The main thing was to feed on the word--not
taken up with each other's faults. He said faults would grow while we were talking about
them but would drop off as we got filled up with Bible. The main thing was to practice it.
We must insist upon it.
If there was anything we could not practice, get help. Have the school
pray for us but insist on practicing the word. He felt that we had made marked progress
since he began with us about 6 months ago. (There should be) days of fasting and waiting
on God---if we did that enough we would make progress. Instead of going to our rooms and
talking, read our Bibles. He talked to us about "chewing each other's ears". Get
fed and apply word to our lives. If anyone, then, wouldn't practice it, light into them,
etc. Have faith, courage, etc., but more than anything, love. He wanted us to say 2 0r 3
times a day, "God is love, my shepherd* is love and I am a little lamb named love.
He spoke to us about praying a lot for the school, for each one, their
development, things taken out that needed to be taken out and things put in that needed to
be put in, etc. He spoke of a spirit of lightness---he did not like. Merry heartedness was
alright but the Bible said to avoid foolish talking. Anything on the line of foolishness
was not alright. He said that was where most Bible Schools got off ( the track). He prayed
for us.
* Mr. Sandford FEH
Wednesday, July 30
Reinforcements from Elim. The Bible School is called out to the Armory
about 2:30. To our surprise and great delight, Mr. S walks out of his room. He calls us in
and goes through the Song of Songs with us. He passes goat meat around. He speaks again of
our not being foolish or like high school young people. He sends us back to the chapel to
charge. Later, he walks in and takes up the battle.
Thursday, July 31
Mr. S with us all day. A nip and tuck battle but the money is all in
for the taxes. A $66.00 check from way out in California got here just the right day. Mr.
S comes down to supper with the Bible School. He speaks to us about loud mouth talking,
etc. But he is very kind and nice---so tired that he dropped right down on the lounge. He
gives the Bible School 2 quarts of strawberries.
Friday, August 1
Mr. Sandford goes back (to Elim), leaving us to have a week vacation
and to start in this day living a life of faith, cut free from Shiloh, nothing more from
the general office. Received $2.00 for this day besides milk.
Saturday, Aug. 2
A pint of milk for breakfast. A gem* brought to me which I give to Avis. John and Theodora
then give me two gems. I had given them some chocolates the day before. Nothing for
supper. We get together after sunset and pray late into the evening. $2.oo comes from we
know not where--wonderful--also some vegetables arrive, near midnight, from Mr.
Marstaller's. David (Marstaller) hands them over by hand. I made some cornstarch pudding
for John and Theodora. I had such a fight to get them to accept it. Theodora brought in
her milk for me to drink after midnight.
Sunday, Aug. 3 We had plenty for both meals and $2.00 for the next day.
Monday, Aug. 4 Cared for.
Tuesday, Aug. 5
A letter from Mr. S with a dollar from Myrtle (McKay). We had had no
breakfast and that supplied the need. Went to the mill.* In the evening the green auto
came and took us all to the mill. Mr. S was there. He had brought bags of peas, rice, etc.
* The "Old stone mill" at Run-around Pond.
Wednesday, Aug. 6
Had meetings up in the birch tree grove. Subject was unity. Mr. S
talked about our having heart interest in each other and making the "40" a
success, being loving. If we couldn't get along with a person to go and tell them how we
feel, that we can't bear them and we don't know whether they need to be changed or whether
we do, etc. then pray together. Love is the main thing. Pray for our 7 teachers and make
them a success.
Thursday, Aug. 7
Had meeting in the barn. Subject, Divine health. Taking in the life of
God for the present and future. Journey too great for us, arise and eat twice. August
talked this out. Mr. S went through the life of Elijah with us and talked to us about our
looking to the God of Elijah to take care of us. He asked if we wanted to accept the God
of Elijah for our God and we waited in silence for a while. He seemed pleased with the
school. He spoke to different ones. He asked me if my head ached all of the time. He said
God had not given him a ray of light about it. He said I was a nugget of gold. He said
there must be a lot coming out of the suffering.
Friday, Aug. 8
Mr. S went back to Boston in the a.m. He told us that morning about his
hammock breaking down and that he went right on sleeping. He gave Esther a little rock and
gave me a shell just as he was leaving. John had the sunset meeting with us. He had us
tell where we were and what we were doing a year from that date. It was the day before
Van's (Carpenter) birthday. John gave us all a pint of buttermilk.
Saturday, Aug. 9
Bread for breakfast right out of a clear sky. We came home* that night.
Our company, in the hay rack, landed about midnight.
*Back to Shiloh FEH
Sunday, Aug. 10
Avis' 50 cents provided a breakfast for us when there was nothing in
sight. Elsie Boyd left. I am feeling sick.
Monday, Aug. 11
Things come in from here and there and we are provided for. Bible
School begins in the turret. Esther (Sandford) comes in to live with me.
Tuesday, Aug 12
My head is very, very bad. Suffering all forenoon, in 9 0'clock meeting
and in Bible lesson---seemed unendurable. Bible School was together at 6. John brought in
a bushel of peas and said that Mr. S had sent us $4.98. The 4 dollars got the peas and the
98 cents, a big bag of soy beans. Mr. Fenderson sent us some macaroni. We had a praise
service. I t seemed so wonderful. The God of Elijah. Also $1.50 had come in providing for
our supper and breakfast.
Elsie suffering so that night. She came and told me that Grace was so
concerned about her that she called me out of meeting to see if I would get the case to
John, which I did.
He saw her and prayed for her and she was all right. I lay on lounge in Ebenezer the rest
of the night.
Wednesday, Aug. 13
I think it was this day that Susie Paine spoke in prayers of Friday
being Laura Milbury's birthday. I silently asked the Lord to give us something extra for
her birthday. After meeting we went to the kitchen and there piled up on the table were
all kinds of things from the Lisbon Falls church. Grace suffering much.
Thursday, Aug 14
Grace still suffering very badly. At night I see John and tell him
about Grace and how I have been suffering myself. He prays with me and I am much different
for days afterwards.
Friday, Aug 15
John goes to see Grace with me. He prays for her and she is all changed over
and she goes up to the turret with Esther and Louisa and me. We get companies picked out.
While there the auto comes from Boston with folks. The Bible School meets at sunset. John
asked Miss Milbury to tell history of her life. Quite interesting. We pray for her. Ice
cream and cake is served. Also candy from Mr. S. John tells us that he and Esther and two
that he picks from the Bible School are going to Boston at 8 the next morning. Esther and
I do not get to bed until after midnight---just lay down on bed in our clothes and pray
for John and for right ones to go in auto, etc.
Ruth (Brown) is crying and feeling very, very bad over prospect of
having to go home again. She comes in and Esther and I pray earnestly for her. The next
morning John goes to see Mr.O'Conner and makes arrangements for Ruth to go. Esther felt
that the Lord was going to make a way of escape for her. I speak to John before he goes.
He is feeling pressed and not much like coming back to the Bible School again. I write him
a note and give it to Esther to give him to read on the way. It is hard to have them go
but my delight is in the law of the Lord. The turret is left in my and Louisa's care. John
left word that we could go home until Sunday noon. Theodora sent me off, and over I went. (to the Old Ladie's Home) FEH
(No entries for Saturday and Sunday) FEH
Monday, Aug 18
We have Bible Lesson and then Mr.Hoad gives us the day to rest in and
be in the chapel on the platform at 8. We do so and take hold of the battle. Mr. Hastings
comes down while we are eating after midnight. He speaks words of appreciation for our
backing and words of encouragement. He said the devil is such a liar to make us feel that
we do not amount to anything, etc.
Tuesday, Aug. 19
Another day of chance to rest and do necessary work after Bible School.
Wednesday, Aug. 20 Avis comes in my room crying and moaning, etc., for a long time in the
p.m. She doesn't see how she can go on any longer, etc. It makes me suffer very much. I
don't know what to do for her. She hasn't eaten any breakfast and objects to my bringing
her any dinner. I tell Theodora and she takes her dinner up.
Thursday, Aug. 21
Dear Mama comes over and she feels so bad because she forgot to bring some
blueberries. Avis eats no breakfast. I eat a little--carrots and beet greens, but wish I
hadn't because they make me so sick I have to ring turret bell to be relieved. Grace is
suffering very much. I pray for her. Later in the day she seems better. Elsie is also
suffering much. I go from one to the other in response to their calls but I am a poor
comforter. We feel the need of John so much. Grace gives me a sugar cookie. I fight with
her because I can't bear to take it but she is so strong that I have to give in. I eat it
after 3 and it helps me a lot. Mama gave Avis the biscuit that she brought over for her
lunch. I feel relieved to see her get something into her. Mr. Hoad excuses her from
meeting. She gets a birthday letter from Herbert which does her much good. Papa comes over
in the evening and brings us string beans and blueberries. Dear papa and mama. Mama wants
us to be sure and come over on Avis' birthday or the next day.
Friday, Aug 22
(Avis' birthday. FEH) Folks go berrying.
Avis feels love and interest of the Bible School. It is so good to see her feeling better.
She sticks to chapel when only 1 or 2 of the Bible School are there. During sunset meeting
we talk about Avis and lay hands on and pray for her. She is so pleased, just what she
desired. Apples come from Mr. Marstaller and are passed around. Chocolates come from
Myrtle. While passing chocolates, John walks in on us. How delighted we are to have him
back. Some things had made him feel as though he did not want to come back to the school.
But when he got a report of things going hard he went and asked his father if he could
come and his father got the word, "return". There was a crowd of boy scouts on
board boat* so he could not sleep much and he had his lunch stolen and then so as to send
money to Mr. Fenderson (for they were high and dry up there) he walked from Portland with
the exception of a 6 mile auto ride.
I come out on the veranda with Grace but I am all nerves and cannot
sleep. I write letters to Ruth (Brown) and Esther (Sandford). I write Mr. S, telling him
about John, etc. It is a quarter to 4 before I settle down to go to sleep and write
a note to John.
*The Boston to Portland steamer. FEH
Saturday, Aug. 23
Avis and I go home together. Mama has an array of birthday things on
bureau. I go out to the barn and have a good time seeking God. I always feel dissatisfied
with my visits home. I found God but suffered again later in the day.
Sunday, Aug. 24
I took my piece of birthday cake and a biscuit Avis gave me and a hard
boiled egg mama gave me and did them up and wrote a little note on the egg and took it to
Fern (Brown). She is awfully thin and feeling poorly. I took a white gem left from Sabbath
breakfast and my other egg and gave them to Etta.
Monday, Aug. 25
Many of the school go berrying. Mr. S comes in the p.m. He goes into
the "Living Waters" room and God gives him the word, "begin". He sends
for the Bible School and what a feast * we do have, up until about 3. Then we come up and
eat some supper and go to bed. The auto starts back taking Charles (Marstaller), Mr.
Holland, Mr. Wakeman and Mr. Anderson.
*Doris is referring to a
"spiritual feast". FEH
Tueday, Aug. 26
In chapel we tell of some of the things Mr. S said to us. Mr. (Frank)
McKenzie, who comes back in the auto, takes up the battle again. Mr. S has us rest until 9
and we eat breakfast at 9:30 and go to chapel at 10.
(No entries for Aug. 27 & 28) FEH
Friday, Aug. 29
August (Marstaller) walks into chapel just before sunset. John goes to
Hephzibah* and stays until 1.
*House below Shiloh, next to
"Higgins cottage". FEH
Saturday, Aug. 30
We have a bountiful sabbath breakfast. Plenty of corn bread, a slice of
white bread and butter, a piece of ginerbread, a piece of fruit cake, half of a doughnut,
apple sauce and cocoa. We go to the farm house* at 12 and spend a delightful afternoon
with our teacher. In the evening he comes up to chapel and leads the meeting, closing at
midnight, then sits around. He sleeps in # 25.
* "Hephzibah" FEH
Sunday, Aug. 31
Auto starts off in a.m., taking Lucille (Holden), Lester
(Matchett), Joseph (Holland) Everett (Knight) and Miss Smith.
Monday, Sep. 1
I was going to the turret from 2 a.m. to 4 a.m. I awoke at
4:45 and realized that I had not been to the turret. Never, before, had I failed to awaken
enough to get up at the sounding of the alarm clock. I don't know whether I shut it off so
quick that I did not wake up or what happened. Next morning John asked me about my alarm
clock. He said he hadn't felt right about my going (to the turret), but did not know what
to do about it so he was going to let it go and tell me the next day what he thought of
it. But he sat around--he hardly knew what for--but noticing at 2 that I had not gone up
he went up and took the watch--first of all binding*up my alarm clock or praying that a
deep sleep would fall upon me so that I would not hear it, then he prayed for me for one
half hour. Just think of it. How could God love me enough for that and how could John care
enough? He said it was the best watch he had ever had.
He said he got a lot out of it. (I was dead tired that night.) He told the Bible School.
Of course it did me much good to have such interest manifested. I told him I should fear
before his prayers hereafter and if anything extraordinary happened to me I should come
around and find out what he had been praying!
* A term used in the Kingdom, taken from Matthew 16:19 "and
whatsoever thou shat bind on earth shall be bound in heaven and whatsoever thou shalt
loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven." FEH
Tuesday, Sep. 2
In the evening Elsie and I have a good talk with Isaac (Gleason). He
talks out his heart with tears rolling down his cheeks. So frank and hearty. We do all we
can to encourage and help him.
Wednesday, Sep. 3
I go to the turret with Grace at 9:30. We pray for John and the school.
Letters come from Lester, Philip (Holland) and Lucille. The letters are read while we are
together in the p.m. It is so good to hear anything from Elim. I am going to the turret
from 2 to 4 a.m. so I must go to bed. Meeting let out earlier than usual for a great
rarity. Papa comes over to meeting in the rain and brings Avis and me an apple a piece. He
brought us two apples yesterday. Dear Papa, always thinking of us and going without things
himself to give them to us.
Thursday, Sep. 4
I write John a note telling him what good those few words he said to me did
me--about getting help and how the Lord was helping me very specially since. My alarm did
not go off (I suppose because I had it inside the bed, but I awoke all of a sudden about 5
minutes past 2 a.m.
Friday, Sep. 5
Most of the school go berrying. I clean Mr. S's room, # 25. Avis goes
home at night. John wants me to go.
Saturday, Sep. 6
A call comes that as soon as I am dressed, Miss Milbury would like to
have my help in the kitchen, so I do not stop to seek God. I receive a letter from Mr. S
for the turret. Van (Carpenter) tells me the auto is not coming this week and Fern thinks
I should go home . So with that, and what John said, I go home, not feeling much like it,
myself.
Sunday, Sep. 7
I am feeling very bad. I write John a note and tell him that I have
come to a total stand still, etc. I stay in bed in forenoon. No 9 o'clock meeting
anywhere. I am still suffering greatly and am helpless.
Monday, Sep. 8
Mr. S is at Hephzibah. He had chosen his party and then he brought up
my name and asked me. I said I was very desirous of going but did not want to unless it
was God's will. He spoke of having no light that I was to come but that it was a blessing
to him to have me around, etc. But he did not know but what I was needed in the turret.
Finally I had a very few minutes to get ready and then off with Emma (Marstaller), Esther
(Wilkinson) Rebekah* (Holland) and Benjamin (Holland), along with Miss Dart and Mr. S. We
landed at Elim about 12:30 a.m. The stay at Elim was a strenuous time---battle on for the
mortgage. I was so thankful for the chance to be with Mr. S. Very delightful meetings full
of God and glory as well as strenuous and very serious ones.
* Bible spelling FEH
(The diary jumps ahead to October,---no explanation. During this
time the mortgages on Elim have been fully paid off. The "40" are still in
Boston.) FEH
Monday, Oct. 20
Mr. S keeps the Bible School after the others go to supper. He talks of going
to the Hill of Hachilah and to Shiloh en route. He goes down to supper with us and we
play* with our knives and forks and sing, "We're on the way to the Hill of
Hachilah." He sat around with us in the small dining room for a while then went to
his room, saying that any who were homesick knew where his room was. Ruth Brown, Esther
Sandford and I went up and had a delightful evening. "A real home feeling", as
Mr. S called it. He pulled his couch up to the fireplace where there was a fire and lay
down. Esther combed his hair.
*Using them as "instruments". FEH
Tuesday, Oct. 21 (No entry) FEH
Wednesday, Oct. 22
We start for Shiloh about 7:30 a.m. Mr. S, Emma and I in the back seat.
Hope (Kelsey), August and Mr. Wakeman in the next. Lila and Iva (O'Connor) in front. (Mr.
O'Connor driving.) A very delightful trip. We land at Hephzibah and after a praise service
we go up to Shiloh together. The Bible School welcomes us in the kitchen. Mr. S sits down
and talks pleasantly and we eat our supper, then go up to chapel.
Thursday, Oct. 23
A day of suffering for me but I found God as I sought Him in the
evening and then I was called to the turret. Mr. S had us pray for the auto which had gone
back (to Boston) for the rest of the school. We stayed with him until midnight and the
presence of God was very real. He said my face looked all right and so did Hope's. He said
we were a blessing to him. He was not feeling good about the Bible School.
Friday, Oct. 24
I wait on the Lord as much as I can, with interruptions. Go to the
turret in the p.m. and pray very intensely and in dead earnest and in faith for a long
time for the 40. So glad as we all meet in the turret at sunset, all of the 40 and
teachers and Mr. S. He talks to us about loving one another, etc.
Saturday, Oct. 25
We meet with Mr. S in the turret in the p.m. and have a good time.
Sunday, Oct. 26
We begin the life of Jesus in the p.m. in the chapel. Mr. S tells of
some messages that God gave him. "Begin the harvest", "The golden gate to
the millennium", (meaningShiloh), Make ready for the harvest", "Begin
teaching in the temple", which meant for him to begin teaching in chapel. We stay
until midnight.
Monday, Oct. 27
We have meeting between 10 and 3 ourselves. Mr. S comes down to chapel at 3
and stays with us there until midnight.
Tuesday, Oct. 28
We go to the turret with Miss Dart from 9-12. We seek God with all our
hearts for the Christ to be formed within us. Madeline (Gifford) prays a wonderful prayer
in the spirit and prays us all through. We appreciate the Holy Spirit. Mr. S comes up in
the p.m. and stays until midnight.
Wednesday, Oct. 29
In the morning I have special prayer for Floyd *(Clark). Another day
spent in the turret until midnight.
*Floyd is ill with TB. FEH
Thursday, Oct. 30
Mr. S spends all day in the chapel with us. All of the Bible School sit
in the middle row. A wonderful day right up until midnight. Mr. S starts in having
Thursday as a day of fasting and prayer, for the entire movement, up until midnight.
Friday, Oct. 31
Mama's birthday, but we spend it in the turret again until midnight.
Such a good time after sunset. Mr. S expresses his love for us. God's presence and the
sabbath are so real. We stay until midnight.
Saturday, Nov. 1
Sick today. Another day in the turret until after 4 then we come down
and eat our breakfast prepared by some of the older people and go to chapel. The other
people come and we stay there until midnight and beyond---until 2 a.m. I come out about 2
and some stay until 3. Wonderful, wonderful week. Miss. Dart says she could see the Bible
School grow, the same as they speak of seeing flowers grow under a powerful glass. We talk
out our appreciation for God's goodness to us.
Some special points that I remember: Mr. S talked about our honoring
and loving the Holy Spirit 1o times more than we did and he had Miss Dart pray that we
would do this. We all testified and entered into it. There was earnest prayer for the
outpouring of the Spirit and to have Christ formed in us and a closing in for it. There
were dead in earnest prayers for God to make Amazon rivers flow through us---not babbling
brooks, not wide shallow rivers that make a good show but do not go deep. It was up to us
to have what we wanted and we put in our orders and asked God to clear out the channels of
our lives and to just handle us and put us through whether we wanted to or not, etc. He
said it would take suffering as we were only able to believe as we suffered. We had a time
of prayer over the words. "Go thou"--- and we were baptized into them.
Sunday, Nov. 2
Mr. S comes down to chapel in the afternoon and reads from Totten.*
There was not a prayer all the afternoon. He stays there until 2 the next morning
just talking about this and that. John and some of the others from the Bible School go to
the Stone Mill and have meeting in the school house. About noon the Bible school is called
to the kitchen to eat our supper, a chicken stew and dumplings and gems. Then the girls go
right to work on the wash. A little after 3 we were called up from chapel to Ebenezer.
* Professor Charles Totten was known
in the late 19th century for his study and writing on Bible chronology and
Anglo-Isrealism. FEH
Monday, Nov.3
Miss Dart has Bible lesson with us at 9. Turning water into wine,
"Whatsoever He saith unto you do it" and the water turns to wine. A little
after 3 we were called up from chapel to Ebenezer. Mr. S said he had called us together to
see if we were all right or something like that, before he left us. He asked us each
if we were walking in the light. He talked and then he prayed for Agnes (Fraser). Then we
sang, "On to Hachilah cries our great commander, on, etc., and he told us to keep
that right in view. We went down and saw him off.
Tuesday, Nov. 4
Bible lesson at 9 in rooms #1 & 2. Miss Dart talked to us about
believing in Jesus. We met again at 3. My work this week is the milk and lamps. And I fix
many carrots. Sent Mama a big red apple by Avis today, my birthday present to her and an
expression of love.
Wednesday, Nov. 5
Avis and I go home in the rain. Mr. Ed Shaw overtakes us and gives us a
ride which saves us from getting our feet wet which otherwise would be unavoidable. Mama
fixes some things for me which I need. I wash my hair and take a bath. Papa
gives me his old union suits. I suffer spiritually and feel very dissatisfied over
some things about myself.
Thursday, Nov. 6
We come back to Shiloh before 9. I spend the 9 to 10 hour seeking
Jesus to save me, etc., and find Him real. I go into chapel and testify to my heart being
hot with love for Jesus. Bible lesson in the p.m. I have a very unsatisfactory time in
waiting on the Lord after 4 p.m. Suffering so physically I am unable to get much,
just endure most of the time. I get so cold I have to go to room # 1 and sit and shiver by
the hot stove.
I go to the turret and call for John and speak to him about their
continuing meeting in chapel to pray for money when Mr. S said to go alone and
evangelization of the world was the main subject of the day. He thanked me for speaking of
it and I went down suffering in every pore of my being, so much so that I could not wait
on the Lord at all until I had written him a note about it and also the feeling I had had
for so long that he had something against me or was out of unity with me. He saw me in the
hall later and said he was disgusted that I had such a time over it. He said he didn't see
why I couldn't stand on my feet and speak for God as well as anybody and the other part of
the note was imagination. I said, "Thank the Lord if it is; it is a big relief
to know it."
Friday, Nov. 7
Avis goes home. The supper comes late and they cook it after sunset. I
go to the turret from 6 to 7. I eat my supper afterwards and feel so troubled.
I do not know what to do about cooking and washing dishes after sunset on Friday.
Elsie talks with me and I with her, then I suffer the rest of the evening. It
was nothing special but that combined with the rest makes me suffer much. They sing in #
1. I write a letter to Mr. S. After 10 I go out to walk with Lila.
Saturday, Nov. 8
I get up after 10. I am suffering. I try to pray or seek
God and cannot at all. I go into #1 and try to seek God but cannot. I eat
breakfast and go home. I am plunged into great suffering there, especially in the evening.
Tempted to utter discouragement. I am utterly baffled on a certain subject or two
that I have battled over for a long time and knew I had salvation. I go to bed in great
distress.
Sunday, Nov. 9
I am still in great distress. I take Papa's advice and stay there all
day. I fight and struggle through to God but it is a day of suffering. I write to Marie in
the evening.
Monday, Nov. 10
I find God this morning but am still very dissatisfied on that subject. I
write to Enid and Arnold in the forenoon and come back to Shiloh. Bible lesson at 2 out on
the steps. The sun is hot. Closing lesson is the gospels. We closed with "Follow
Me". We meet in evening to hear report of evangelistic trip. John and Theodora were
married one year ago today. I write them a note.
Tuesday, Nov. 11
The Bible School meets in # 1 at 9. Those who went to the mill Sunday doing
evangelistic work give interesting accounts of their work. After 10 we wash the turret
windows. My head feels so bad that I am just sick, but I plow through although it seems
like a mountain. Before 3 I go to Bethesda* with Esther's orange for Miss Pulford. It was
her birthday. I took her a little peach jam. She talks until after 4 then I go over home
and come back with Avis. John starts in the book of Acts with us at 7:30.
*Building for the sick. FEH
Wednesday, Nov. 12
I waited on the Lord and fasted and sought and found salvation from
some things in my life that had been baffling me. Spent the day in interests of
world---turning my own battles into that. It makes a difference to my 40 million whether I
live an overcoming life or not. I had a good day---the world on my heart. The Lord helped
me physically.
Thursday, Nov. 13
Mr. Hoad speaks at 9. Miss Dart speaks later. We pray for money to
purchase the Hill of Hachilah. Bible lesson at 1. Avis reads to Grace Brown and me in the
evening. About 9:30 or 10 Miss Dart gets together with those who wish to come and we seek
outpouring of the Spirit and pray for Benjamin and talk about him. It is his birthday. We
have a very good time. I was feeling very bad physically but felt better at the close of
the meeting.
Friday, Nov. 14
Bible lesson at 9 then work in the kitchen fixing apples and I do my
lamps and sweep my room and go to 3 o'clock meeting. It seems like a one-legged
affair---just a few women with Mrs. Greer leading. John has the sunset meeting. God is
very real to me. They sing around the organ. After that we have supper. After supper we go
to rooms # 1 & #2 and they sing for a long time. I go to bed feeling dissatisfied. It
seems that I do not want God very much. I do not keep in touch with Him, etc.
Saturday, Nov. 15
Herbert (Jenkins)* arrives early in the morning along with Mr. Holland.
In the p.m. the Bible School decorate rooms 1 & 2 and the dinning room and then
we invite Herbert to dinner and up to rooms 1 & 2. We welcome him in prayer and
expression and he speaks to us. He expresses his appreciation for our warm welcome. After
that we have meeting,some with John in the turret to prepare for their meeting at the mill
and some in room #1 with Miss Dart to prepare to speak in the temple. After that we go
down and fix apples. Lena gets stirred up about my working any longer and she goes way
upstairs to ask John about it. He says it is all right for me to stop. I am suffering in
soul and body. It seems over and over as though I could not keep going but others
feel the same way so that helps me to fight on as I see them doing so.
* Herbert Jenkins returns from
military service in the Merchant Marine.
Sunday, Nov. 16
My work this week is rooms 1 & 2. It is so hard to get up this
morning. I did not get up until the last thing, then had no time to pray. It seemed
as though I could not go to temple and speak. I swept and dusted rooms # 1 & #2.
It took me right up until 9. The Bible School met at 9 and sought the outpouring of
the Spirit and He met us. God helped us in the temple. Miss Mable Hicks told me afterwards
that she sat there looking at me and wishing I would speak and when I did it was just what
she needed and was a great blessing to her. That was worth suffering for. Chapel in the
p.m. Herbert is there and speaks. I go to the turret from 2 to 3. I pray for
souls--Carroll Campbell especially and for those at the mill.
In the evening the Bible School prays together and Miss Dart comes in
and tells us of her talk with Carroll and has a letter read to us from Elsie Bailey. Later
Lila tells me about Miss Myhre and we pray for her and go to see her to cheer her up.
Later we pray together again, praying for Miss Mills, Mr. Hoad, etc. I have had a pretty
good day. I spoke on 2 verses (In the Temple) "Blessed are they which do hunger---and
Blessed are they that mourn---.
Monday, Nov. 17
We hear that Emma (Marstaller) and Joseph Holland are going to the Hill of
Hachilah. After supper Lila and I go over to O'conners and on to Parkers to get Emma's
shoes. I do not feel like it but I go to save one of the boys, who have been working hard
all day, from having to go. We feel uneasy about going in the dark and wonder how we will
get over the muddy places. When we strike the first muddy place a lantern comes along just
in time to light us over it. Then at the shoe shop a lantern was given us to go to Parkers
with and then one to light us back to Shiloh. The three boys who lent it to us had a great
time hiding and shouting at us and then running ahead of us through the woods. When we got
to Mr. Shaw's suite where they had told us to leave the lantern, they were lined up on the
door step still as mice and laughed when we found them there---Rodney & Nahshan
Gleason and Victor Murray.
Bible lesson in the evening. I lie down afterwards feeling very bad.
I have a hard night, suffering much spiritually and unable to sleep well.
Tuesday, Nov. 18
No breakfast. Avis and I do not get up until after 8 o'clock. The auto
drives off about 8 with Emma and Joseph enroute for the Hill of Hachilah. Mr.
Hastings leads the meeting at 9, just seeking God. It is quite a help to me. After 10 I
sweep and dust rooms 1 & 2. I wash the doors and chairs and clean up the
bathroom. I go to the turret from 2 to 3. I have a goo |